Ethical companies are a main focal point of my universe and have been for my entire adult life. I owned an organic flower business, helped start a fair trade importing venture, sold renewable energy, etc. etc.
And... most of my friends and loved ones seem to be doing the same. In fact, maybe the whole world is doing the same... because when I look in portals or write "ethical companies" in search of a job, they are choosing from 300 highly qualified applicants. Even jobs in non-profits that pay low salaries or even no salaries are highly competitive.
Energetic smart people don't just want to make money, they want to make a difference. We think about huge financial firms, and oil companies and car manufacturers as places we could never work because they are "unethical." They are exploitive and unsustainable.
So we passionately throw ourselves into: consulting for non-profits, marketing fair trade handbags, making organic flaxseed crackers, promoting an ethical tv station... this is work we feel good about.
But... what do these ethical companies do for their devoted employees? It is now the second time this year and one of many times in my life when I have seen an "ethical company" sacrifice its employees for the "vision."
I was kind-of-hired by an ethical online TV station a few months ago. I loved the mission -give people alternatives to crap TV, TV with consciousness, use it to promote other ethical companies through advertising - it was so great. We skyped about goals and job roles, drafted contracts, trained me, put my bio on their website.
It went on for months without anything ever getting signed and without me ever getting paid. Answers were," Oh, yes we really need to get that going, probably next week." Well, trusting them on their word, I went to live in a foreign country, knowing that the income would be there "next week..."
After two weeks in Panama, they finally told me in response to my pressing insistence on a contract and pay, "The truth is, we just don't have the budget to hire you." Then, in the silence, the CEO added, "But if you really do want to start working on good faith, you're really welcome to. I just can't promise that you'll get paid."
...Is that "ethical"?
My boyfriend was also hired by this company, only he managed to get a contract and pay, thank goodness, since we share bills. His first salary was transferred 2 weeks late. Apologies... it will never happen again. The second month, he sent his "invoice" (he is not actually an employee, but a "contractor" so the "ethical company" won't have to pay taxes for him.). There was a follow up, "ok. We'll get it to you." A week went by. Two weeks went by. Follow up emails were unanswered. Three weeks went by.
Finally, a response to an email cc'd to everyone who had any influence in the company. A skype call with the CEO: "Yeah, we're really sorry. The truth is that we ran out of money two months ago because an investor bailed. I will pay you as soon as I can but there's a small chance I won't be able to pay you at all."
This got me reflecting... every "ethical company" I have ever known has put the "vision" before its employees. I was even guilty of it when running Sarah's Flowers. It's that the founder feels so inspired and sure of their purpose, its almost righteousness, and there's a feeling that of course everyone will want to help. The ones I choose will be lucky to be a part of this.
So maybe we are wrong... The "conscious" young talent of my generation. Maybe we underestimate those car factories and oil companies that pay regular salaries and health insurance. It's not that I am suggesting "selling out," but no idea is worth slavery. And any company who thinks its okay to skip on paying an employee in chasing Utopia, is defeating its own objective with every step it takes.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
A Week in Another World...
...And now I am changed forever.
I spent this last week in a village in the middle of the jungle. The town was called Soloy, in Ngobe Bugle land, where the Ngobe people live, speaking Ngobe and living in their the traditional ways as they have for thousands of years. I was volunteering there, teaching English to adults and helping to update/create websites.
I have so much to say... this is going to be long.
I did not go there through any program, and I did not go through any international organization; Everyone I worked with and met was Ngobe (they all speak Spanish as a second language), which is one of the reasons the experience was so special.
It was hard to leave Panama City: my beautiful new abode, my dear sweet boyfriend -a very comfortable life, to venture off on a night bus to an unknown corner of the jungle, not knowing anyone, not having any reason at all to do it except that it scared me ... and that meant that I could grow from it.
The bus went to David, a normal little town, and from there I took the truck to Soloy... a 4X4 with sideways benches in the back instead of seats and 18 people crammed in the back. The ride was bumpy, sometimes through mud 2 feet deep (not exaggerating... it is the rainy season here) and it last 2 hours. The pain of the bench and the bodies impossibly pressed together was mitigated by the pleasure of the view... rolling jungle hills, banana trees, orchids, green pastures and waterfalls.
I got off when other people got off and asked for Adan (emphasis on the last syllable). It was the only name I knew, and I clung to it. The spot where we were was a kind of junction of two really muddy roads with two small wooden buildings, the village stores. You don't go inside (there's no room), you walk up to the counter and ask for what you want. There were a few people around, and some chickens and some dogs but the dominating factors of the place were mud and jungle.
Adan was a young Ngobe man who met me with a pile of books I could use in my class and
took me to where I would sleep and then gave me a tour of Soloy and its surroundings. And that is how my experience began. Here is how I was impacted:
Poverty: I experienced poverty like I have never experienced it before. Houses are sticks and dirt floors, children and women are sometimes without shoes, no one can afford to eat more than once a day. My first hours in Soloy, I was shocked. My first three nights, I was fighting back tears from discomfort and loneliness. By the 6th day, I felt like I was a citizen of Soloy... I could live there for years, no problem.
Riches: Some of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen. Elaborate, refined tribal artistry that could have its place in a museum (more on this later), papayas and bananas growing wild in the forest. Hundreds of varieties of unique orchids, trees, bromeliads, birds, insects.
Access: This is one of my biggest lessons. The difficulties of this village are not only due to a lack of money, they are due to a lack of ACCESS. There is no mail to Soloy, there are hardly roads to Soloy, there are no electric lines or plumbing (some solar panels, and piped water from the river for a few of the buildings... not houses), there are no banks nor ATM's, there is no cell phone signal.
What does this mean? The economy is trapped. Goods cannot be sold outside of the village really, so they are sold at prices that are artificially low. If there is a bad weather season that effects crops, the people can starve with money in their pockets because there is no food (the trucks can't get it there fast enough!). And on, and on.
I had no idea.
Hunger: I always had this idea that hunger is something experienced by the very poor and I associated it with ignorance, dirtiness, disgrace and a burning sensation in the stomach. That's not what hunger is. I experienced hunger myself accidentally because I ran out of money.
See, the women Artisan groups have no one to buy their crafts. They literally don't have a market (see Access) so they rely on the few volunteers (foreigners) who come visit. All women make these things as part of their traditions, so there is no internal market.
Well the things are beautiful, so I wanted to buy everything my few dollars would buy (to support them and buy Christmas gifts). I budgeted so that I would just have enough for the passage back and food. I would eat at the restaurant (think foodstand... $1.00 for beans, chicken and rice -btw, there is no refrigeration bc there is no electricity, so chicken is the main meat since it just runs around until you're ready to eat.) only once a day and for dinner, I'd fry eggs in the kitchen (eggs are 10 cents).
Well, they ran out of eggs. They ran out. I instantly thought, that's okay they'll get some in tomorrow. Ah, no they won't. No access. So I ate 1 meal a day and then nibbled on bread, crackers, etc.
This is what I learned about Hunger: it doesn't burn the stomach, because you do eat, you just don't eat enough of the right things. You are still fully functional just slow er and weaker. The key to hunger is protein. Protein is the most expensive thing to buy. You can eat enough white bread to fill your stomach, but you can feel it in your skin that you are slowly starving.
This is the other thing I learned about hunger: Almost everyone in Soloy was hungry. Adan and Plinio (Adan's brother) and I would have long intellectual meetings about the mission of the botanical garden the were building and appropriate symbols to use in a logo (all in Spanish, by the way), and then they would say they were not going to lunch today. Hunger exists among the educated and the dignified.
Promise: Soloy has a shining star and his name is Adan. Adan is in his late 20's, a Ngobe fella raised in Soloy all his life. He got ahold of a program about 10 years ago called CASS that sponsors young members of impoverished communities to study in the USA, so that they can bring their educations back to their homes and help them develop. The program is supposed to last for 4 years.
But Panama has a problem. Panama City is so rich and so developed, that it effects country averages
and international perception into thinking Panama is a developed country that doesn't need that much support. In this way, impoverished, very needing regions like Ngobe Bugle don't get the international resources that, say, their Nicaraguan or Honduran counterparts do. So CASS cut its funding to Panama and Adan came home to Soloy after only two years and no Panamanian staff to help him.
But he's going ahead anyway. He's embracing the charge CASS gave him with such purpose and dedication, I am ashamed for them for abandoning him. He and his American friend started Medo, the organization I found on idealist.org, the reason I came to Soloy. Learn more about Medo: medo.awardspace.com
Slowly, Medo is attracting talented resourceful people to Soloy. Slowly and steadily, Soloy is developing. Adan is shy and humble, courteous and intelligent. He lives in the same poverty, the wooden houses, the scant food, etc. that are typical of his village. But he has a vision that is so authentic and so inspiring and so generous, you just want to help him. Medo is not some white people that came down to a jungle village and said "Oh look at the poor people, let's help them." Medo is the Ngobe themselves, taking their own community into their hands, reaching out for support and talent from the outside.
If it was a company, I'd invest.
What am I doing for Medo and the Ngobe:
I taught English for a week and I think I was a success (by the way, they need someone to stay for 2 or 3 months starting immediately, if you know anyone who might want the job).
I am redoing the website of the Jardin Botanico: Plinio has been trained in botony and is walking through the jungle (region is called the Comarca) identifying every single plant and taking samples to build a botanical garden to one day be an attraction for ecotourism. He has scientific support from Botanical societies in Austria and Germany. In a few weeks, check out: http://www.soloy.pueblerino.info/
I will be delivering a donation of medical supplies from the US to Soloy in January.
And finally, the project I am most excited about, and the one that will take the most miracles to pull off: I am going to try to start a business selling chacaras. Chacaras are one of the crafts that the Ngobe women make. They are woven bags, made entirely out of plant fibers and dyes
through a process entirely by hand. It is a unique and traditional art. They are beautiful and they last through the mud and the heavy labor of Soloy for 20 years. It takes between 1 and 2 months to make one. Right now, they sell them to the one or two volunteers that come to Soloy each month (price $10 to $20) and to dealers who come from Panama City for sometimes as low as 3$, to be resold in larger tourist markets. The women know full well that they are underselling, but they do it to survive. Some more interesting info is here
I had a meeting with one of the Artisan groups to discuss marketing possibilities: how to reach a broader market. I thought Internet, but how do they ship when there's no mail? How do they receive money when there's no bank?
I had a second meeting with them to explain the concept of fair trade. We calculated how much time they spend on the process and what they would need to earn to at least survive on making chacaras. The price would need to be between $70 and $150 per bag. One lady recalled that 15 years ago, she sold a bag every month to one man for $90 and he shipped them to the USA to be resold. So its possible. If women will spend $700 on a Burberry bag made in China, there's gotta be a way for me to make them spend a few hundred dollars on an original artpiece.
So I'm going to start creating a website, with sleek photos that make these chacaras look like the the most glamorous fashion item available. I hope that by January, I have some money to go back to Soloy and buy a big order of bags at a fair price. I have a vision of the entire Ngobe Bugle region being transformed by empowered economically successful women. Currently, the chacara art is dying, younger women opting for the easier crafts, but if I can pay them $100 a bag, the chacara art will flourish again because it will be a viable source of income.
This was my week in Soloy and how it has impacted me. If you have any questions or ideas or would like to do something to help as well, you can comment, email me or email medovolunteers@gmail.com
UPDATE: Here is the blog about the project marketing the hand bags: http://www.bagsmakeadifference.com/
I spent this last week in a village in the middle of the jungle. The town was called Soloy, in Ngobe Bugle land, where the Ngobe people live, speaking Ngobe and living in their the traditional ways as they have for thousands of years. I was volunteering there, teaching English to adults and helping to update/create websites.
I have so much to say... this is going to be long.
I did not go there through any program, and I did not go through any international organization; Everyone I worked with and met was Ngobe (they all speak Spanish as a second language), which is one of the reasons the experience was so special.
It was hard to leave Panama City: my beautiful new abode, my dear sweet boyfriend -a very comfortable life, to venture off on a night bus to an unknown corner of the jungle, not knowing anyone, not having any reason at all to do it except that it scared me ... and that meant that I could grow from it.
The bus went to David, a normal little town, and from there I took the truck to Soloy... a 4X4 with sideways benches in the back instead of seats and 18 people crammed in the back. The ride was bumpy, sometimes through mud 2 feet deep (not exaggerating... it is the rainy season here) and it last 2 hours. The pain of the bench and the bodies impossibly pressed together was mitigated by the pleasure of the view... rolling jungle hills, banana trees, orchids, green pastures and waterfalls.I got off when other people got off and asked for Adan (emphasis on the last syllable). It was the only name I knew, and I clung to it. The spot where we were was a kind of junction of two really muddy roads with two small wooden buildings, the village stores. You don't go inside (there's no room), you walk up to the counter and ask for what you want. There were a few people around, and some chickens and some dogs but the dominating factors of the place were mud and jungle.
Adan was a young Ngobe man who met me with a pile of books I could use in my class and
took me to where I would sleep and then gave me a tour of Soloy and its surroundings. And that is how my experience began. Here is how I was impacted:Poverty: I experienced poverty like I have never experienced it before. Houses are sticks and dirt floors, children and women are sometimes without shoes, no one can afford to eat more than once a day. My first hours in Soloy, I was shocked. My first three nights, I was fighting back tears from discomfort and loneliness. By the 6th day, I felt like I was a citizen of Soloy... I could live there for years, no problem.
Riches: Some of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen. Elaborate, refined tribal artistry that could have its place in a museum (more on this later), papayas and bananas growing wild in the forest. Hundreds of varieties of unique orchids, trees, bromeliads, birds, insects.
Access: This is one of my biggest lessons. The difficulties of this village are not only due to a lack of money, they are due to a lack of ACCESS. There is no mail to Soloy, there are hardly roads to Soloy, there are no electric lines or plumbing (some solar panels, and piped water from the river for a few of the buildings... not houses), there are no banks nor ATM's, there is no cell phone signal.
What does this mean? The economy is trapped. Goods cannot be sold outside of the village really, so they are sold at prices that are artificially low. If there is a bad weather season that effects crops, the people can starve with money in their pockets because there is no food (the trucks can't get it there fast enough!). And on, and on.
I had no idea.
Hunger: I always had this idea that hunger is something experienced by the very poor and I associated it with ignorance, dirtiness, disgrace and a burning sensation in the stomach. That's not what hunger is. I experienced hunger myself accidentally because I ran out of money.
See, the women Artisan groups have no one to buy their crafts. They literally don't have a market (see Access) so they rely on the few volunteers (foreigners) who come visit. All women make these things as part of their traditions, so there is no internal market.
Well the things are beautiful, so I wanted to buy everything my few dollars would buy (to support them and buy Christmas gifts). I budgeted so that I would just have enough for the passage back and food. I would eat at the restaurant (think foodstand... $1.00 for beans, chicken and rice -btw, there is no refrigeration bc there is no electricity, so chicken is the main meat since it just runs around until you're ready to eat.) only once a day and for dinner, I'd fry eggs in the kitchen (eggs are 10 cents).
Well, they ran out of eggs. They ran out. I instantly thought, that's okay they'll get some in tomorrow. Ah, no they won't. No access. So I ate 1 meal a day and then nibbled on bread, crackers, etc.
This is what I learned about Hunger: it doesn't burn the stomach, because you do eat, you just don't eat enough of the right things. You are still fully functional just slow er and weaker. The key to hunger is protein. Protein is the most expensive thing to buy. You can eat enough white bread to fill your stomach, but you can feel it in your skin that you are slowly starving.
This is the other thing I learned about hunger: Almost everyone in Soloy was hungry. Adan and Plinio (Adan's brother) and I would have long intellectual meetings about the mission of the botanical garden the were building and appropriate symbols to use in a logo (all in Spanish, by the way), and then they would say they were not going to lunch today. Hunger exists among the educated and the dignified.
Promise: Soloy has a shining star and his name is Adan. Adan is in his late 20's, a Ngobe fella raised in Soloy all his life. He got ahold of a program about 10 years ago called CASS that sponsors young members of impoverished communities to study in the USA, so that they can bring their educations back to their homes and help them develop. The program is supposed to last for 4 years.
But Panama has a problem. Panama City is so rich and so developed, that it effects country averages
and international perception into thinking Panama is a developed country that doesn't need that much support. In this way, impoverished, very needing regions like Ngobe Bugle don't get the international resources that, say, their Nicaraguan or Honduran counterparts do. So CASS cut its funding to Panama and Adan came home to Soloy after only two years and no Panamanian staff to help him.But he's going ahead anyway. He's embracing the charge CASS gave him with such purpose and dedication, I am ashamed for them for abandoning him. He and his American friend started Medo, the organization I found on idealist.org, the reason I came to Soloy. Learn more about Medo: medo.awardspace.com
Slowly, Medo is attracting talented resourceful people to Soloy. Slowly and steadily, Soloy is developing. Adan is shy and humble, courteous and intelligent. He lives in the same poverty, the wooden houses, the scant food, etc. that are typical of his village. But he has a vision that is so authentic and so inspiring and so generous, you just want to help him. Medo is not some white people that came down to a jungle village and said "Oh look at the poor people, let's help them." Medo is the Ngobe themselves, taking their own community into their hands, reaching out for support and talent from the outside.
If it was a company, I'd invest.
What am I doing for Medo and the Ngobe:
I taught English for a week and I think I was a success (by the way, they need someone to stay for 2 or 3 months starting immediately, if you know anyone who might want the job).
I am redoing the website of the Jardin Botanico: Plinio has been trained in botony and is walking through the jungle (region is called the Comarca) identifying every single plant and taking samples to build a botanical garden to one day be an attraction for ecotourism. He has scientific support from Botanical societies in Austria and Germany. In a few weeks, check out: http://www.soloy.pueblerino.info/
I will be delivering a donation of medical supplies from the US to Soloy in January.
And finally, the project I am most excited about, and the one that will take the most miracles to pull off: I am going to try to start a business selling chacaras. Chacaras are one of the crafts that the Ngobe women make. They are woven bags, made entirely out of plant fibers and dyes
through a process entirely by hand. It is a unique and traditional art. They are beautiful and they last through the mud and the heavy labor of Soloy for 20 years. It takes between 1 and 2 months to make one. Right now, they sell them to the one or two volunteers that come to Soloy each month (price $10 to $20) and to dealers who come from Panama City for sometimes as low as 3$, to be resold in larger tourist markets. The women know full well that they are underselling, but they do it to survive. Some more interesting info is hereI had a meeting with one of the Artisan groups to discuss marketing possibilities: how to reach a broader market. I thought Internet, but how do they ship when there's no mail? How do they receive money when there's no bank?
I had a second meeting with them to explain the concept of fair trade. We calculated how much time they spend on the process and what they would need to earn to at least survive on making chacaras. The price would need to be between $70 and $150 per bag. One lady recalled that 15 years ago, she sold a bag every month to one man for $90 and he shipped them to the USA to be resold. So its possible. If women will spend $700 on a Burberry bag made in China, there's gotta be a way for me to make them spend a few hundred dollars on an original artpiece.
So I'm going to start creating a website, with sleek photos that make these chacaras look like the the most glamorous fashion item available. I hope that by January, I have some money to go back to Soloy and buy a big order of bags at a fair price. I have a vision of the entire Ngobe Bugle region being transformed by empowered economically successful women. Currently, the chacara art is dying, younger women opting for the easier crafts, but if I can pay them $100 a bag, the chacara art will flourish again because it will be a viable source of income.This was my week in Soloy and how it has impacted me. If you have any questions or ideas or would like to do something to help as well, you can comment, email me or email medovolunteers@gmail.com
UPDATE: Here is the blog about the project marketing the hand bags: http://www.bagsmakeadifference.com/
Friday, October 5, 2007
Settling in and Branching Out
This is the third week in Panama.
Peep and I moved into our own apartment (finally!). We live in a neighborhood called Casco Viejo (old helmet). It is the colonial part of Panama city. The building we live in is older than the city I was born in. The stair case is original marble imported from Italy, the banisters are handcarved mahogany. We have a view of the ocean and of the city that is made for kings. It is a castle. I will post pictures in a few weeks.
Our landlords (who own the house and live part-time in the rest of it) are a small family who run a really cool non-profit organization here in Panama: www.earthtrain.org .
We are trying to grab hold of Panama a bit more and have been looking for things to occupy ourselves here in Panama. We are looking for things to do that will teach us Spanish and earn us money. We have sent CV's around and gotten some job interviews. I am doing work with some non-profits. CREA-Panama has "hired" me as their pro-bono marketing consultant in exchane for the experience and practicing Spanish in their office.
In a few hours, I will go on a bus to some small town in the jungle called Soloy where I will teach English for a week and learn Spanish. After one week, Peep will meet me in a town near by called David and we will go together to Costa Rica. We have to do this to change our visas (only good for 30 days).
So the next weeks should provide chaos, interesting experiences and pretty pictures.
Peep and I moved into our own apartment (finally!). We live in a neighborhood called Casco Viejo (old helmet). It is the colonial part of Panama city. The building we live in is older than the city I was born in. The stair case is original marble imported from Italy, the banisters are handcarved mahogany. We have a view of the ocean and of the city that is made for kings. It is a castle. I will post pictures in a few weeks.
Our landlords (who own the house and live part-time in the rest of it) are a small family who run a really cool non-profit organization here in Panama: www.earthtrain.org .
We are trying to grab hold of Panama a bit more and have been looking for things to occupy ourselves here in Panama. We are looking for things to do that will teach us Spanish and earn us money. We have sent CV's around and gotten some job interviews. I am doing work with some non-profits. CREA-Panama has "hired" me as their pro-bono marketing consultant in exchane for the experience and practicing Spanish in their office.
In a few hours, I will go on a bus to some small town in the jungle called Soloy where I will teach English for a week and learn Spanish. After one week, Peep will meet me in a town near by called David and we will go together to Costa Rica. We have to do this to change our visas (only good for 30 days).
So the next weeks should provide chaos, interesting experiences and pretty pictures.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
First Week in Panama
As soon as we cleared customs, a man in a uniform loaded our bags onto the cart and showed us outside where the taxis were, started talking to one and told us to get in. The whole process took only 2 minutes and ended up costing us $30 with tip for the guy we thought was an airport employee and extra large cab fare for the fresh clueless foreigners.The first days we spent in a hostel-like hotel. The last 5 days have been in the house of an AIESEC Alum couple.
Here are the first impressions of this place which is Panama city:
1) I thought it was a "poor" country. It is not. This is a very developed, middle class kind of place. It is not necessarily cheaper to live here than in Austin. In looking for an apartment, there is a plethora of new luxurious loft style places that cost between $2000 and $5000 a month. We have had a challenge in finding a place in our price range that is not in the ghetto. (Don't worry, Mom. I am not living in the ghetto) Panama is in the middle of a real estate boom.
Of course, the other side of this development is that every comfort is available here. In the big supermarkets, 80% of the cereal brands are the same as I'd find in HEB. Any time I'm homesick, I can go buy honey bunches of oats, Oreos, JIF peanut better or thousands of other things that are just like home.
2) Panama City is dynamic. It is beautiful and ugly, modern and traditional, a place with every international chain where no one voluntarily speaks a language besides Panamanian ( a variety of Spanish ;).
3) The people. All tourist info propaganda I read before coming here said how hospitable Panamanians are. Well... I keep being surprised at how cold the clerks and salespeople are to me and to other customers. It is not universally friendly. Someone from New York city wouldn't mind... it's very down to business, every-man-for-himself. But it's not what I expected from a tropical, Caribbean country. I get the sense though, that it is only skin deep. On a few occasions, when some experience breaks the routine, I felt genuine friendliness. Like when a lady walked in on me washing my hands in the bathroom (apologized profusely) and I saw her
later behind the counter making sandwiches. She caught my eye and gave me one of the most open and warm smiles I'd seen in a long time. Peep saw it too and seemed transfixed, "Wow. I think that's the first smile we've seen here."4) The food. lots of seafood, fruit and fried things. There are 5 star restaurants and vendors with carts. We experiment with different places. It is a kind of riddle to find where are the places that are good and cheap. So far, I have not deciphered the pattern, experiencing all ranges of price and quality without an ability to predict.
5) Perhaps you would ask me about the canal, so I'll write something. Yes, the canal is cool, I've seen the end of it and I saw it snaking through the jungle from the plane. But living in Panama and focusing on the canal would be like living in San Fransisco and focusing on the harbor. The Canal is not the essence of Panama city, in fact I get the sense that it is a kind of indulged foreign body. It was built by French and Americans and owned by other countries for most of its life.
These are my favorite things so far:
1) Food! I found my two favorite fruits here that I have not really had since Thailand (rambuttan and mangosteen). I ate a cup of 2$ ceviche that was soooo delicious. We eat fried whole fish that is really fresh and costs 3$. And there are fried bananas called tarjadas that make it worth getting up in the morning. Fresh fruit juice stand and stores are prevalent (1$-2$).
2) The sea! It is cool to live by the sea. We have not yet traveled from the city nor seen any exquisite beaches (though they do exist). But it is cool to see Pelicans circling skyscrapers and to feel the salty humid wind.
3) Spanish! I am practicing a little bit with people, also watching TV and reading newspapers with dictionary in hand.
4) Friends! The couple we are staying with is really nice and taking care of us (until we can move into our own apartment). "Fito" is Panamanian, former MCP (AIESEC) and he is with us everyday, making us speak Spanish and practice, taking us places and showing us things. Bozhena is Polish, former AIESEC trainee in Mexico and speaks fluent Spanish, now working in Trinidad for 2 weeks.
5) Tropical plants! I have seen orchids that are so big in peoples yards, they function as bushes.
I have seen trees that are bigger than the biggest oak trees in Texas, covered with Bromeliads, scattered around in the busy, congested city.6) I like being here with Peep. He is my best friend. We get along really well. We can walk along getting lost on purpose, discovering things, be silent or talk for hours. I have discovered new countries many times, but never like this -with someone else. It's cool, kind of like bringing a piece of home with me. It makes the experience gentler.
So! On the horizon... Soon we are going to get out of the city and explore a bit of Panamanian nature, maybe beach, maybe jungle, maybe both. Peep will start work on Monday again with Frontier TV. He will work on London time, so that will make for an interesting schedule. We will be moving into our own apartment also sometime in the next week or so (si Dios quiere). I hope to put some structure to my Spanish immersion (don't know what form it will take: class, volunteer... Just need to be in a place with lots of people speaking Spanish to me).
Hasta pronto!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The Next Adventure Begins in 3 Days
I am moving to Panama. I will meet Peep on Friday morning at the Houston airport and we will fly together to Panama city to see what life is there and to partake of it. We have gotten in touch with some very gracious AIESEC Alum who've said they'll help us get situated.
Everyone asks me, "So what's in Panama?" "Why Panama?" These questions put me on the spot and make my ears go red because I don't have any kind of answer that is conventionally a good reason to go. But this is how it came to be.
Peep and I want to be together, but both the USA and EU are difficult to work in for foreigners and they are expensive. I also feel that it would be nice to try out what life is like with each other when not influenced by either homeland (and not restricted by Islamic laws, as in Dubai). We can see what its like to just be us and be free.
I want to be fluent in Spanish. I have been speaking it since I was 2 and I've never really been able to speak it. Khalas! Time to learn!
Panama seems like a great dream to go after. I have no idea what it will be like, but maybe it will be really relaxed -have some Caribbean vibe. Maybe there will be really good cheap street food. Maybe the beaches will be gorgeous with crystal teal water. Maybe there are awesome people there waiting to be my friends. Maybe I will learn history and culture and geography about a place about which I now can only claim ignorance. Maybe we will get dressed up in glitter and feathers for Carnaval. Maybe I will become a rum connoisseur. Maybe we will live in an apartment that is in walking distance from a lot of cool places with an extra bedroom. Maybe my friends and family will visit me and share in my adventure.
Everyone asks me, "So what's in Panama?" "Why Panama?" These questions put me on the spot and make my ears go red because I don't have any kind of answer that is conventionally a good reason to go. But this is how it came to be.
Peep and I want to be together, but both the USA and EU are difficult to work in for foreigners and they are expensive. I also feel that it would be nice to try out what life is like with each other when not influenced by either homeland (and not restricted by Islamic laws, as in Dubai). We can see what its like to just be us and be free.
I want to be fluent in Spanish. I have been speaking it since I was 2 and I've never really been able to speak it. Khalas! Time to learn!
Panama seems like a great dream to go after. I have no idea what it will be like, but maybe it will be really relaxed -have some Caribbean vibe. Maybe there will be really good cheap street food. Maybe the beaches will be gorgeous with crystal teal water. Maybe there are awesome people there waiting to be my friends. Maybe I will learn history and culture and geography about a place about which I now can only claim ignorance. Maybe we will get dressed up in glitter and feathers for Carnaval. Maybe I will become a rum connoisseur. Maybe we will live in an apartment that is in walking distance from a lot of cool places with an extra bedroom. Maybe my friends and family will visit me and share in my adventure.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Tides and Tidings of health
I am having an adventure with my body. I suppose there are as many possibilities of what can go wrong with the body as there are stars in the sky. Ligaments and hormones and red blood cells and glands... millions and millions. That many of them should veer from their normal paths all at the same time could be Murphy's Law or it could be argument for the merits of holistic healing. I am not in any serious harm, but there was a cancer scare, a fertility complication scare, a thyroid imbalance and high cholesterol all within 3 weeks.
For the last several months, I have had no plans. I sometimes feel like I am waiting. It is really inconvenient to not have plans. Others would like to make plans and incorporate me, I can only smile and say I don't know, over and over again. And when I meet new people or see old friends, it is awkward to explain myself. I cannot see into my future, not even 18 hours.
My mom has very kindly given me an acupuncture "package". Nice ladies who care a lot (DeAnn Newbold) poke needles into me and chart my progress. My sister Jayme dotes over me and makes me not feel alone, gives me supplements to eat. Sometimes I shell hundreds of dollars to clinics to be subjected to harsh machines and needles.
I am young and full of vitality, just passing through the first of perhaps a few more shadows hinting that my invincibility was a glorious illusion. It is just a small temporary shadow, and I will be back having more boastful adventures soon.
For the last several months, I have had no plans. I sometimes feel like I am waiting. It is really inconvenient to not have plans. Others would like to make plans and incorporate me, I can only smile and say I don't know, over and over again. And when I meet new people or see old friends, it is awkward to explain myself. I cannot see into my future, not even 18 hours.
My mom has very kindly given me an acupuncture "package". Nice ladies who care a lot (DeAnn Newbold) poke needles into me and chart my progress. My sister Jayme dotes over me and makes me not feel alone, gives me supplements to eat. Sometimes I shell hundreds of dollars to clinics to be subjected to harsh machines and needles.
I am young and full of vitality, just passing through the first of perhaps a few more shadows hinting that my invincibility was a glorious illusion. It is just a small temporary shadow, and I will be back having more boastful adventures soon.
Friday, June 22, 2007
An Ocean Between... Again
I took Peep to the Airport two days ago, in lightening, thunder and pouring rain. We have said goodbye this way so many times: the line at security slowly moves, every now and then we wave... and then he is gone.
While he was here, we had a great time. He met every member of my family and many of my friends. I wanted him to come here, to see where I came from, and he did... I feel it has made us closer.
And we had such a great road trip! One month on the road, 24 hours together every day, and we still like each other! We saw so many magnificent things, every few days we were in another world: Huge fast cities, silent ancient forests, chilly spring mountains, vast magestic desert formations, homes of family and friends, Motel 6 with HBO, camping in dirt and leaves.
Waiting behind the sensational daily adventures, and sometimes peeking out into conversation, was the reality that we don't know
where and when we will be together next. EU and USA sometimes feel like a fish and a bird...
There are so many things to achieve in this world- and we like to achieve. How do we best invest in our individual success and make sure we 
are together? It is really hard. 
are together? It is really hard. 
Certainly this kind of love is something I have always wanted to have, so I will keep it and hold it. We will find a way.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Northern California
We are staying with Blake and Carla in Stockton, California. Blake and Carla and I are all 
Aunts/uncle of Jayda, so it is good to spend time together: probably we will know each other our whole lives.
Before being here, we were in San Fransisco. My dad told me when I was about 12 that I belonged in Northern California.(He had fond memories from hitchiking there with the other flower children). I could live in San Fransisco very easily: it's international, green, beautiful buildings, good food. It looked like a little toy town, modelled after a European city: the buldings were narrow and tall, all in a row, painted pink and tan and green.
We stayed with an old friend of Peep's named Tony, from Indonesia. I am glad to know him because he is a very sweet fellow, and through his own sad stories of corporate imprisonment and failed international romances, he was giving us advice.
The winding ocean road that lead us to San Fransisco (Hwy 1) invited us to camp inside aredwood grove near a waterfall and showed us fat lazy seals on the cold grey sand below.
It was awesome.
Today we will chat some more with the californai Bombens (we have learned so much already about wine and hospitals and the world), then we will drive our tired but loyal Sally to the Yosemite National Park, where we hope to get lost for at least a few days.
Aunts/uncle of Jayda, so it is good to spend time together: probably we will know each other our whole lives.Before being here, we were in San Fransisco. My dad told me when I was about 12 that I belonged in Northern California.(He had fond memories from hitchiking there with the other flower children). I could live in San Fransisco very easily: it's international, green, beautiful buildings, good food. It looked like a little toy town, modelled after a European city: the buldings were narrow and tall, all in a row, painted pink and tan and green.
We stayed with an old friend of Peep's named Tony, from Indonesia. I am glad to know him because he is a very sweet fellow, and through his own sad stories of corporate imprisonment and failed international romances, he was giving us advice.
The winding ocean road that lead us to San Fransisco (Hwy 1) invited us to camp inside aredwood grove near a waterfall and showed us fat lazy seals on the cold grey sand below.
It was awesome.Today we will chat some more with the californai Bombens (we have learned so much already about wine and hospitals and the world), then we will drive our tired but loyal Sally to the Yosemite National Park, where we hope to get lost for at least a few days.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
California Dreaming
We drove through New Mexico. We got to see an auction presided by my Uncle Jim. Peep got a true cultural experience... Jim introduced us ("Peep from Estonia"), to which a few responded... "Is that south of Texas?" "That's past Mayfield isn't it?" It was a barn of crystal and candles and clocks for 1$ and 2$. We drove through that valley and up to the mountains again, with the aim of camping in the Gila forest, which I have heard so much about.
We got up there around dusk... it was so cold. We piled up our gear and set to walking up and on, trusting that a flat campable space would appear. As the bags got heavier and the light grew fainter, we crossed a fence guarding who know what and began to set up our camp. We dug a fire pit and lined it with rocks... we were so nervous, having just visited my uncle's volunteer fire department, we built the wall up about 2 feet. We had so much fun. We were such a good team.
At night, it got colder and colder. We had our shoes and hats and jackets on underneath two sleeping bags. We woke in the morning to find ourselves covered in snow.
I wanted to crawl back under the warmth and pretend I didn't see it. Peep convinced me to evacuate. It was surreal to see snow in May.
Windy mountain roads took us to Arizona, where we wanted to see the Apache reservation. We got there around
6 pm. On the road we saw that permits were required to camp, so we set out to find a permit. The police station was empty, the permit office was closed on sunday, it was almost dark. We had to camp, so we set out to find a spot and buy the permit tomorrow. The place had a special feeling. It really was like being in another country. The lake we found was peaceful and full of life, but also lots of trash and graffiti. I wanted to see the Apaches be more proud of their land.
In the morning, the Apache Ranger found us and gave us a citation. We were not afraid because we didn't think we really had done anything wrong. Our intentions were so good... I thought it we could not be blamed if the office was closed. Wrong. We parted the Apache nation and left an investment of $160.
We drove through the desert and almost camped in Joshua Tree until we both admitted we'd rather pay the money for a shower and a bed. Yesterday, we hung out in Santa Monica. I think we are both very California souls. So far, we love it here.
Here is a picture of a forest fire we drove past... the news said it was devastating.
On the Santa Monica promenade, we saw someone carrying a gap (red) bag. So we went to check it out. We had heard of this. It is part of the One campaign (go sign up at www.one.org). The one campaign is to end poverty. There is also the red campaign (www.redcampaign.org), both were started/headlined by Bono. The red campaign is to fight AIDS in Africa. It is so cool. Businesses are being asked to carry red products, from which 100% of profits go to fight AIDS in Africa. So all you have to do is go shopping and you're saving the planet.
Next, we will check out Hollywood and Beverly Hills, maybe Universal Studios, try to meet up with Lily in Santa Barbara, head north on hwy 1, and see what happens
We got up there around dusk... it was so cold. We piled up our gear and set to walking up and on, trusting that a flat campable space would appear. As the bags got heavier and the light grew fainter, we crossed a fence guarding who know what and began to set up our camp. We dug a fire pit and lined it with rocks... we were so nervous, having just visited my uncle's volunteer fire department, we built the wall up about 2 feet. We had so much fun. We were such a good team.
At night, it got colder and colder. We had our shoes and hats and jackets on underneath two sleeping bags. We woke in the morning to find ourselves covered in snow.
I wanted to crawl back under the warmth and pretend I didn't see it. Peep convinced me to evacuate. It was surreal to see snow in May.
Windy mountain roads took us to Arizona, where we wanted to see the Apache reservation. We got there around
6 pm. On the road we saw that permits were required to camp, so we set out to find a permit. The police station was empty, the permit office was closed on sunday, it was almost dark. We had to camp, so we set out to find a spot and buy the permit tomorrow. The place had a special feeling. It really was like being in another country. The lake we found was peaceful and full of life, but also lots of trash and graffiti. I wanted to see the Apaches be more proud of their land. 
In the morning, the Apache Ranger found us and gave us a citation. We were not afraid because we didn't think we really had done anything wrong. Our intentions were so good... I thought it we could not be blamed if the office was closed. Wrong. We parted the Apache nation and left an investment of $160.
We drove through the desert and almost camped in Joshua Tree until we both admitted we'd rather pay the money for a shower and a bed. Yesterday, we hung out in Santa Monica. I think we are both very California souls. So far, we love it here.
Here is a picture of a forest fire we drove past... the news said it was devastating.On the Santa Monica promenade, we saw someone carrying a gap (red) bag. So we went to check it out. We had heard of this. It is part of the One campaign (go sign up at www.one.org). The one campaign is to end poverty. There is also the red campaign (www.redcampaign.org), both were started/headlined by Bono. The red campaign is to fight AIDS in Africa. It is so cool. Businesses are being asked to carry red products, from which 100% of profits go to fight AIDS in Africa. So all you have to do is go shopping and you're saving the planet.
Next, we will check out Hollywood and Beverly Hills, maybe Universal Studios, try to meet up with Lily in Santa Barbara, head north on hwy 1, and see what happens
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Road Trip!!
We are on the 3rd day of our Southwest adventure, in Cloudcroft New Mexico with my Uncle Jim and Aunt Bev.
We started the trip in San Antonio by watching the Spurs beat the Nuggets in the NBA playoffs. The next day, Peep got to meet my 90 year old grandfather Carl and after lots of dessert and pictures and history, we drove to San Angelo where we could go no further and stayed in a Motel 6! It's not a road trip until you spend the 
night in a Motel 6. The next day (yesterday) we drove 8 hours to Cloudcroft, stopping to greet the Aliens in Roswell.
night in a Motel 6. The next day (yesterday) we drove 8 hours to Cloudcroft, stopping to greet the Aliens in Roswell. Now we are surrounded by mountains and pine forest. This morning we saw 4 wild elk in the yard.
We don't have a schedule or any definite plan. Major things we want to see are: an Apache reservation, Los Angeles, HWY 1, San Fransisco, Yosemite, Las Vegas, Grand 
Canyon, Zion National Park. Other than that, we will stop when we see cool stuff, spend lots of time hiking and camping and getting in touch with people around the country.
Canyon, Zion National Park. Other than that, we will stop when we see cool stuff, spend lots of time hiking and camping and getting in touch with people around the country.We have no schedule, but we do have goals and guiding principals.
These are the goals:
- Have fun
- Learn about each other/ develop our relationship
- See beautiful, inspiring things
- Develop relationships with people we meet/ stay with
These are the principles:
- Whatever happens is the best thing that could have happened (No "we should have," "if only," etc.)
- If there is an issue, we talk about it
- We choose delight (we do not pass up fields of wildflowers where we long to frolic in order to get there faster)
- Carpe Diem (when something cool and unexpected invites us, we do it)
Friday, April 13, 2007
The Estonian has arrived!
I was waiting and waiting and I finally got him here! I was so worried it wouldn't happen. I was making contingency plans of a rendezvous in Mexico. I made my whole family agree to fly to Mexico to meet him if the punks didn't give him his visa. And now he is here, right next to me, at Jayme's house. He has met Lily, Jayme, Ross and Jayda. We are introducing him slowly. I am trying to avoid a big-fat-greek-wedding-style shock. Tomorrow, he will meet Shannon, Eddie, Alex and Ava. And after that, he will meet my parents! 
I first picked him up in San Antonio in the freezing rain. We finagled our way into a really cheap rate at the Hyatt vacation club by agreeing to let them try to sell us a timeshare. After three days, 72 degree beautiful sunshine and blue sky accompanied us back to the ol' ATX. He has seen the green belt and bits of downtown, south suburbia and north suburbia. He is being introduced to tacos and tortillas and is making lots of cultural observations (see peeplaja.blogspot.com )Last night around the dinner table, Peep and Ross and Jayme and I were laughing hysterically trying to nod our heads the way Indians say yes. I finally got my bridge.
I first picked him up in San Antonio in the freezing rain. We finagled our way into a really cheap rate at the Hyatt vacation club by agreeing to let them try to sell us a timeshare. After three days, 72 degree beautiful sunshine and blue sky accompanied us back to the ol' ATX. He has seen the green belt and bits of downtown, south suburbia and north suburbia. He is being introduced to tacos and tortillas and is making lots of cultural observations (see peeplaja.blogspot.com )Last night around the dinner table, Peep and Ross and Jayme and I were laughing hysterically trying to nod our heads the way Indians say yes. I finally got my bridge.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Authenticity
I just sat next to my younger sister while she spoke with a famous, rich and powerful person and told this lady what she wanted from her. Lily, out of nowhere, said something like, "I want to be involved in one of your projects, from beginning to end and partner with you creatively." They talked for an hour and a half and Lily got what she wanted. And the entire time, I was really thirsty and too shy to get up and ask the famous lady for a glass of water.
While I was absorbing my younger sister's boldness and observing its affect on the famous woman, I saw two things. I saw the lady's face become flustered and red, as if she were being pushed... where she finally hit against her own place of brutal honesty. The result of two women talking about their wants and boundaries so directly, is that in one hour, an understanding was reached that might have taken years to find through "polite," comfortable, expected, unauthentic ways. The second thing I saw was, behind the flustered blush, a growing shining-eyed respect for the tenacious young one. I saw thoughts fly across her face like, "If she asks this of me, she may ask what she needs from absolutely everyone, and that means she gets what she wants." and "If she's this powerful at 20, what is she going to be when she's my age..." Lily invited and created, out of nothing but her own personal power, a mentor relationship, powerful networking introductions and a potential job.
It made me rememeber all the times I have gone to people in powerful positions (business school faculty, potential customers of my ventures, etc.), selling something or asking for something. I have never asked for what I wanted. I have had the approach of: this is what I'm doing, this is why its working, and this is why its good for you to support it. I guess that's less personal: I'm talking to you because you are the chair of the foundation I want money from, not because you are the person you are. That's not authentic. What if I'd gone to Dr. Butler as a business school freshman and, instead of selling my idea and showing how it aligned with the mission on the plaque on his wall said, "I'm Sarah Moore. I want to start an entrepreneur society so that I can learn and grow as an entrepreneur and I want you to give me money and contacts." That was the authentic thing to say. The way I did it, I think it took me three 45 minute meetings to get my money.
Being authentic means being exposed, that's why it's so damn scary. But I want to start trying to do it. I think I'd have more time and more brain space if I stopped worrying how people would react, if I stopped trying to find the most diplomatic words and ways of twisting what I want into "how it's good for them," so that I can feel less vulnerable.
About a month ago, a guy at a gas station asked me for some money for gas --he needed to get somewhere and didn't have any money. Well, ok. I put 5 bucks in his tank. At least two others gave him 5 bucks. The man did nothing but arrive --pennyless, and ask for what he needed. He drove away with gas in his tank and got to where he wanted to go.
Powerful stuff.
While I was absorbing my younger sister's boldness and observing its affect on the famous woman, I saw two things. I saw the lady's face become flustered and red, as if she were being pushed... where she finally hit against her own place of brutal honesty. The result of two women talking about their wants and boundaries so directly, is that in one hour, an understanding was reached that might have taken years to find through "polite," comfortable, expected, unauthentic ways. The second thing I saw was, behind the flustered blush, a growing shining-eyed respect for the tenacious young one. I saw thoughts fly across her face like, "If she asks this of me, she may ask what she needs from absolutely everyone, and that means she gets what she wants." and "If she's this powerful at 20, what is she going to be when she's my age..." Lily invited and created, out of nothing but her own personal power, a mentor relationship, powerful networking introductions and a potential job.
It made me rememeber all the times I have gone to people in powerful positions (business school faculty, potential customers of my ventures, etc.), selling something or asking for something. I have never asked for what I wanted. I have had the approach of: this is what I'm doing, this is why its working, and this is why its good for you to support it. I guess that's less personal: I'm talking to you because you are the chair of the foundation I want money from, not because you are the person you are. That's not authentic. What if I'd gone to Dr. Butler as a business school freshman and, instead of selling my idea and showing how it aligned with the mission on the plaque on his wall said, "I'm Sarah Moore. I want to start an entrepreneur society so that I can learn and grow as an entrepreneur and I want you to give me money and contacts." That was the authentic thing to say. The way I did it, I think it took me three 45 minute meetings to get my money.
Being authentic means being exposed, that's why it's so damn scary. But I want to start trying to do it. I think I'd have more time and more brain space if I stopped worrying how people would react, if I stopped trying to find the most diplomatic words and ways of twisting what I want into "how it's good for them," so that I can feel less vulnerable.
About a month ago, a guy at a gas station asked me for some money for gas --he needed to get somewhere and didn't have any money. Well, ok. I put 5 bucks in his tank. At least two others gave him 5 bucks. The man did nothing but arrive --pennyless, and ask for what he needed. He drove away with gas in his tank and got to where he wanted to go.
Powerful stuff.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The Beginning of a Blog
My life is fascintaing. It needs its own blog. My life is full of heros and battles and adventures.
The characters in my adventurous life are my family: parents and sisters and neices and nephew and cousins and aunts and grandfather and uncles and I have close unique individual realtionships with each one.
(My nephew, Alex and I skiing in New Mexico)
Some of my adventures are with myself... for example, I am trying to write a novel. I am taking creative writing classes, but I find that anytime I think that I wrote something good, I clam up in cold fear. As Nelson Mandela said, "It is not our darkness, but our light that frightens us." I will keep fighting and try to overcome.
I am in search of a bit of land. I have searched far and wide and I know that somewhere, there is a small bit of land, secluded but convenient with a few beautiful trees and soil ready for gardening. I know this land is just waiting for me to find it, and when I do, I will build the most beautiful magical little cottage out of mud (cob).
And lastly, I am waiting for my love. He is so far away and has been for a long time and I am waiting for him. It is so difficult to live with a heart that is beating in two places. His visa was already rejected once. I will think it such an unfair atrocity if silly lines and silly badges will threaten to prevent him from seeing the others I love and the place that created me. If all fails, we will gather us in Mexico.
(Jayda, Jayme and I working on our new beach cabin)
The characters in my adventurous life are my family: parents and sisters and neices and nephew and cousins and aunts and grandfather and uncles and I have close unique individual realtionships with each one.
(My nephew, Alex and I skiing in New Mexico)
Some of my adventures are with myself... for example, I am trying to write a novel. I am taking creative writing classes, but I find that anytime I think that I wrote something good, I clam up in cold fear. As Nelson Mandela said, "It is not our darkness, but our light that frightens us." I will keep fighting and try to overcome.
I am in search of a bit of land. I have searched far and wide and I know that somewhere, there is a small bit of land, secluded but convenient with a few beautiful trees and soil ready for gardening. I know this land is just waiting for me to find it, and when I do, I will build the most beautiful magical little cottage out of mud (cob).
And lastly, I am waiting for my love. He is so far away and has been for a long time and I am waiting for him. It is so difficult to live with a heart that is beating in two places. His visa was already rejected once. I will think it such an unfair atrocity if silly lines and silly badges will threaten to prevent him from seeing the others I love and the place that created me. If all fails, we will gather us in Mexico.(Jayda, Jayme and I working on our new beach cabin)
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