The Coolest Online Test

Have I mentioned this yet?

There is a new online test that will tell you which gemstone is perfect for you. People are generally acquainted with their birthstones, and the tendency to want to own jewelry with one's birthstone is a testament to the fact that humans are interested in gemstones that are in some way "destined" to them.

But, well, birthstone is a little simple... how much can you really have in common with the millions of other people who were born in your month.

So for finding out which gemstone is "for you", it is best to take into account all relevant factors about yourself and the gemstones.

You could do a few months of dedicated research. Or you could take this free online test. It tells you which gemstone is best for you based on birthstone, astrological sign, health conditions, personality traits, values and what you wish to attract to your life. Once you know your gemstone, show it off!

What's yours?

http://www.shopgemstones.com/gemstonetest.html

The hard choice

"The life of a fetus cannot be separated from the life of the pregnant woman. This is unique in medicine and law. No one can create a set of medical principles or legal principles giving a right to life to the fetus, because by doing so, inevitably the woman's rights become limited." -http://www.fwhc.org/abortion/medical-ab.htm

The life of a young woman always contains this issue, whether she herself goes through it, the girls she knows go through it, or it's a topic of her debate class.

I am counting... I personally know 8 girls, growing up around me who've had to make the choice between raising a child against impossible odds or causing themselves the most pain they've ever felt by deliberately discarding something they love.

And I know at least 6 women who are grey haired and wrinkled from fully lived lives, and after 30 years, multiple children, houses and careers, none has ever lost consciousness of the one they gave up. There are no regrets, just a subtle pain - one of their battle scars.

Blessings to all women who have had to make that choice.

Eesti Maa

"I don't think most Americans even know where Estonia is," say the two loud Americans next to me in this little cafe- very proud of themselves of being special world travelers.

I have been in this country for 2 weeks and now I find myself in what I think is my favorite place: the old town of Tallinn.

Most of my time here has been spent in Tartu in the home in which Peep grew up. His house is full of lots of love, and pets and food. His mom is very sweet. She makes us coffee and breakfast when we get up. And she has a way of not judging anything. In America, it is normal to at least make some kind of comment if someone sleeps until noon, or has really messy hair, or is wearing two different socks. When I was first dating Peep, I was suspicious of him because he never made comments about such things and I thought he was thinking it to himself and not saying anything. As time went on, I was happily mystified that he doesn't care about and doesn't even notice stuff like that. After living with his mom, I know where he got it.

And amazingly, in this context, I become the anal, uptight one. In my own cultural context, I am the laid back messy one who doesn't notice undotted i's. But I discovered it bothers me if someone has food on their lip, or if there is dog hair on the bed and I have to say something or take action. And then I notice the role that I am playing in the group and I smile to myself at the irony. It is so amusing for me to see myself reflected in this way.


And the second biggest element from my experience is the cultural immersion. I thought that, having lived around the world, that I was an experienced veteran in cultural immersion and that it has been easier to adjust to new cultures because of my experience -NOT! I am having as hard core an experience as I had in Germany at 16. The factors the two experiences have in common are:

Living in a local home with a family: there is no chance to "escape back into my bubble". There is no socializing with other travelers or expats as there was everywhere else except for Germany.
Blending in! In Dubai, Thailand and Panama, I am so obviously a foreigner that even if I speak the language and live there for a year (or 30), I will still be treated as a tourist. In Germany and in Estonia, I am assumed to be local and am treated the same as everyone else. (I prefer it that way).
Learning the language: Both in Germany and now in Estonia, I am working pretty hard to learn the language and defying the odds with my progress.

In Panama, some of our best friends were Fito (Panamanian) and Bozena (Polish). When Bozena was talking to new people, they would at first treat her as a foreigner. After they found out she was married to a Panamanian, it was like she entered a new warm arena of the person's heart: She has made a commitment to Panama, she's one of us. The other white girl standing next to her, I would watch these interactions a bit wistfully - I wished I could be a part of another country too.

So that's what it's like to be in Estonia on the arm of Peep. I get VIP access - experiences and relationships that would be outside of my possibilities if I were just visiting or living here as an expat.

Partnerships are always powerful: two minds are better than one, you get to add up all your lessons and both become twice as smart, you broaden your family (besides all the love and support and friendship). But this experience goes beyond: I get to belong to two countries!

The First Time

I just gave a politician money for the first time in my life.

I don't believe in politics. Like most people from my generation, I am trying to make a difference doing other things... politics doesn't notice me, doesn't listen.

I am so excited about THIS president, though. Finally, a president is running for president. Not only am I excited about him, I am just soo excited that I'm excited. I feel hope in places inside me I didn't even know could hope.

So I gave him $20. which as a percentage of my net wealth, is quite high.

I don't really know why they need money or what they will do with it. But something I HAVE always believed in is capitalism. I have always felt that I can put my money where my mouth is and then the money makes a difference even if the mouth doesn't. So one more person gave Barack Obama money.

Here's a link if you want to do the same:
https://pol.moveon.org/give/obama2.html?id=12777-6950240-fhLmlq&t=3

Where is the Realness?

I worry about us living in these fast, global, virtual, anything-you-want-tomorrow days- I feel it especially when I'm in a large group, like stuck in traffic.

I heard this song on the public radio while sitting in traffic, and I felt it was further evidence that we re losing touch and that we like it.

Runaway Train
lyrics and music Eliza Gilkyson

Everyone knew she was gonna be fast
Everyone said they could build her to last
10,000 tons of hurtlin steel
Screamin round the curves nobody at the wheel
Everyone said don’t pay it any mind
There’s a pot of gold waitin at the end of the line
Just move with the eye of the hurricane
You’ll never get off this runaway train
Nobody cared when they piled on board
and the doors snapped shut and the engines roared
They pushed to the front
Some fell to the back
Buyin and sellin every inch of the track
Deep in the engines fire in the hole
Dark skinned workers shovelin coal
all singin their sad refrain
We’ll never get off this runaway train
Up in the diner everybody decked out in their finery
Can’t see the wreck comin up ahead
with their bellies full of wine
It’s the last thing going through their minds
So proud of the engine proud of the speed
Call for the porter give them everything they need
Stare through the glass feel no pain
Don’t even know they’re on a runaway train
Long after midnight a pitiful few sound the alarm
Don’t know what else to do
Bangin on the doors of the cabin and crew
Hey we gotta slow down or we won’t make it through
Sleepy riders don’t want to wake
or suffer the shock when they put on the brake
Don’t want to question , don’t want to complain
rather keep ridin on this runaway train

I thought, why is this song so obscure, when Lil' Wayne's Lollipop is #1 on the charts.


Ow…
Uh Huh No Homo…
Young Mula Baby
I say he so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper
So I let her lick the rapper


She she lick me
Like a lollipop
She she lick me
Like a lollipop
She she lick
Like a lollipop
She lick
Me Like a lollipop


Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

.... and it repeats.

The first song offers enlightenment. The second song offers escape. We'd rather escape. And truthfully, after listening to Eliza sing about how we'd all rather escape, I felt like escaping too.
When my country started an evil war for no reason, I studied marketing when I should have had my body in front of their planes. The world is dependent on oil and the climate is changing, and I reuse my plastic bags but I still drive my car and take airplanes. When will I stop? Even me, the save-the-world, buy organic, live with what you need person. What will it take for me to stop driving my car? I have so many ideas of how the world should be and I influence things within my small sphere. But I let politicians do what they want without even watching or researching because I don't think I can do anything. I'd rather escape. And so would you. That is why Eliza will sing the truth to an empty auditorium while the world is out bumpin' to lil' Wayne.

The Guys Behind me in the Library

“How do you spell ‘squalor’?”

“‘squalor’ ? I don’t even know what that means.”

“Neither do I. But I think it’s the word I’m looking for.”

“Well, dictionary.com. “

“I’m on it. (pause)” “Sordid, dirtiness. I think that’s what I’m lookin’ for.”

The End of the Panama Experience

On a stormy humid day, Peep and I balanced frantic packing with luxurious, last chance sight seeing until the sun finally set and we said goodbye from the window of a plane. As always, the feeling of packing up belongings that have stayed in one place for 8 months and leaving the cozy home an empty shell, gives me a sense of chaos like I am pulling up my own roots.

These were good roots: made from prevalent tropical rains, plentiful exotic fruits, a new kind of coffee each week, people from all over the world who lived in that small place and cared about us, and spectacular natural beauty.

It's difficult to reflect on such a grand scope experience after only a few days of distance. I will need to let it slowly unravel for about 6 months probably. What I can see now is that it was a time and place for the growth of me. It wasn't that interacting with Panama "taught me things about myself" or anything expected, things I've already experienced. This time wasn't about learning, it was about trying. It was about doing. Perhaps this is a milestone in the growth of all humans: at some point, the focus of your energy shifts from learning to doing. I may have made that shift in Panama - not because it was Panama, but because it was a place where no one was watching me. I wasn't judged because I was "outside the system." No matter what I did, I was a weird foreigner.

This gave me freedom to take unexplainable risks. I have started 3 projects and taught myself new skills in my time in Panama. My projects are still in their stages of infancy and therefore it still takes courage to explain "what I do" in my own cultural social context. But in Panama, I was extremely well educated and experienced. I realized there for the first time that people 3 decades older than me often don't know what I know, and would be lucky to get to pay for my brain.

My journey into Panama and back out again was not a hero's journey: it was not the intense experience that I went through in order to return home transformed. I did that already in high school. It is as if I've traveled too much: too many "incredible experiences" in a row, that I can never return to normal life, and I will permanently have a wider definition of home. So Panama was not an interruption that gave new life to the regular flow, rather it was part of the regular flow of an irregular path.

It is a path that will wander the world without it being "a big deal", without fear to overcome, a path that makes itself a few hours before I walk it.

I will miss looking out of car windows to see orchids and bromeliads clutching tall sprawling tree limbs. There will be weekends in Austin when I will wish I could pile some friends in a car, drive for 2 hours and get to a paradise Caribbean beach. I will miss my small privileged piece of one of the prettiest colonial mansions in Panama. I will miss casual meetings and barbecues on my terrace with a view to the Panama Canal and the causeway. When I procure my next "nest" here in Austin, I will shop for tropical plants and be aghast at their prices.

Here in Austin, I catch a glimpse of a sign in Spanish and it makes me feel so different than it did before. I just realized it today, but I used to see such signs and think "those are for 'other' people to read". Without knowing it today, I felt like they were talking to me.

I also notice here how grocery stores have free samples of food and they stay there for hours - wouldn't happen in Panama. I feel comforted by the lack of poverty. In a poor place, even if you yourself have enough, seeing the poverty of others affects you. It made me feel like we were all poor. And here I feel that we all have enough.

I bought morningstar veggie corn dogs as a first american treat. Then my brother in law explained how he'd read "Omnivore's Dilemma" and they are so bad for the environment because they are so processed and therefore energy consuming. I thought about my days in Soloy where lunch was the nearest chicken walking around, served a few hours after it's head was chopped off alongside yucca that was just pulled out of the ground. Books like that are written for spoiled Americans.

My cup is so full here from all the family. I have so much family: there are so many people, so much love, so much good food. It is so opposite to my previous quiet two person haven-from-the-world.

In fact some of those people just ordered pizza and tipped the driver and are waiting for me. I'll go to them.