Eesti Maa

"I don't think most Americans even know where Estonia is," say the two loud Americans next to me in this little cafe- very proud of themselves of being special world travelers.

I have been in this country for 2 weeks and now I find myself in what I think is my favorite place: the old town of Tallinn.

Most of my time here has been spent in Tartu in the home in which Peep grew up. His house is full of lots of love, and pets and food. His mom is very sweet. She makes us coffee and breakfast when we get up. And she has a way of not judging anything. In America, it is normal to at least make some kind of comment if someone sleeps until noon, or has really messy hair, or is wearing two different socks. When I was first dating Peep, I was suspicious of him because he never made comments about such things and I thought he was thinking it to himself and not saying anything. As time went on, I was happily mystified that he doesn't care about and doesn't even notice stuff like that. After living with his mom, I know where he got it.

And amazingly, in this context, I become the anal, uptight one. In my own cultural context, I am the laid back messy one who doesn't notice undotted i's. But I discovered it bothers me if someone has food on their lip, or if there is dog hair on the bed and I have to say something or take action. And then I notice the role that I am playing in the group and I smile to myself at the irony. It is so amusing for me to see myself reflected in this way.


And the second biggest element from my experience is the cultural immersion. I thought that, having lived around the world, that I was an experienced veteran in cultural immersion and that it has been easier to adjust to new cultures because of my experience -NOT! I am having as hard core an experience as I had in Germany at 16. The factors the two experiences have in common are:

Living in a local home with a family: there is no chance to "escape back into my bubble". There is no socializing with other travelers or expats as there was everywhere else except for Germany.
Blending in! In Dubai, Thailand and Panama, I am so obviously a foreigner that even if I speak the language and live there for a year (or 30), I will still be treated as a tourist. In Germany and in Estonia, I am assumed to be local and am treated the same as everyone else. (I prefer it that way).
Learning the language: Both in Germany and now in Estonia, I am working pretty hard to learn the language and defying the odds with my progress.

In Panama, some of our best friends were Fito (Panamanian) and Bozena (Polish). When Bozena was talking to new people, they would at first treat her as a foreigner. After they found out she was married to a Panamanian, it was like she entered a new warm arena of the person's heart: She has made a commitment to Panama, she's one of us. The other white girl standing next to her, I would watch these interactions a bit wistfully - I wished I could be a part of another country too.

So that's what it's like to be in Estonia on the arm of Peep. I get VIP access - experiences and relationships that would be outside of my possibilities if I were just visiting or living here as an expat.

Partnerships are always powerful: two minds are better than one, you get to add up all your lessons and both become twice as smart, you broaden your family (besides all the love and support and friendship). But this experience goes beyond: I get to belong to two countries!