And, all of a sudden, there were three

I married my One in April 2010 and found out about 1 month later that I was pregnant even though that wasn't supposed to be possible without surgery. I remember the day the strip turned pink - I dropped everything and drove to Peep and the next hours and days were nothing but testing and testing to confirm the impossible.

When I finally believed it, I was swimming in such a cocktail of feelings. I was in shock. I felt robbed of the time I thought I had to be me, to be young, to enjoy my new marriage. I also felt giddy with joy and so special. I felt a profound relief that I could in fact have children. And I was scared because I didn't know what I was doing.

In those days, a few things established themselves. One, this is our love child and we are so honored to be chosen and even though it was not our plan, we accept it. And, I was not in control of this, so, just in this part of my life, I stepped aside and into a new paradigm - that my life is the wave I am riding, not the path I am walking.

And, as I think do most young women who just find out they are pregnant and bow down to whatever force of power they can find, I frantically prayed for guidance, and got one simple answer: "Have me and I will be easy."

And then there was 9 months of pregnancy. For the first 3 months, I did not breathe a word. I was holding my breath for the miscarriage I was statistically likely to have. I lived life as usual, even throwing ourselves another wedding and going on a honeymoon. I was sick. So sick. Two pieces of advice for pregnant women: 1. Wait till your second trimester before going on your honeymoon. 2. Wait till your second trimester to remove your wisdom teeth.

All of those difficult weeks were in Estonia, the wrong place to be for a nauseous pregnant Texan who only wanted tacos and hates pork. But we survived, and Peep was so caring and patient. At 13 weeks, we found out the baby was fine and would probably stick. We also heard he would be a boy. Then, I told my family and I believed it.

And the remaining months, he was right. He was easy. Pregnancy did some wonderful things for me.

1. No stress. Somehow, my whole being knew. It was like I grounded myself into my pregnancy so that not only did I eat the things that would be good for the baby, I thought and felt things that would be good for the baby. All of a sudden, I had an off switch for the stress and it was automatic. I didn't try or focus or commit or anything like that - just 15 seconds feeling stressed out and then the mind/body would like stop bloodflow to that bit of my brain and I would be happy again. I also never got mad at my husband. I was always nice.

2. My skin cleared up. I have since the age of 12 had a bit of a battle with my body over being a woman - like somehow not all of me was on board and we were a bit out of sync, causing me suffering in all kinds of ways. Pregnancy cured me.

3. I was forced to take care of myself. For reasons that I analyze and trace back to ancient bits of my life, I habitually prioritize myself and my well being last. I, like many, have lived under the self-imposed dictum that the more I suffer, the more virtuous I am and walk around making my life as difficult as possible and then bragging to others in complaining tones how little sleep I get and when my last meal was and what a heavy thing I carried, etc etc. So pregnancy rescued me from that. Now, to be virtuous, I HAD to take care of myself. And what a relief, to be pulled away from the selfishness of selflessness.

4. It made my take the short path. There are two kinds of people and I am the kind that does things the long, hard, complicated way. Perfectionist for its own sake and often to a fault. A few friends coming over might turn into me cooking a 5 course meal and inventing a new cocktail and buying more furniture. But pregnant, I had no extra energy to waste and my thoughts changed to take that into account: remove me from my tunnel of vision and ask the question - does the energy I put in really affect the result?